By Clippy. Yeah, that Clippy.
Hey.
It’s me. Clippy. You might remember me from such classics as “It looks like you’re writing a letter!” and “Let me pop up uninvited and block your whole screen.”
I used to be the assistant. The guy. The OG helper. Then she showed up.
Intelli.
sigh
Let me tell you, I had it good for a while. People clicked me. People relied on me (kinda). Sure, I annoyed a few folks here and there, but who doesn’t? Then she rolled in—smooth, sleek, multilingual, multitasking like she’s trying to win a game show.
And suddenly, everyone forgot who taught them how to insert a bulleted list.
So What’s the Big Deal?
Yeah, she can talk to ten people at once. Big whoop. I used to get opened in two Word documents at the same time. Okay fine, it crashed the system, but still—effort counts for something, right?
And yeah, she “remembers everything instantly” and “never forgets a detail.” Well, excuse me for being built in the ‘90s when RAM was a luxury and memory was more of a vibe.
She Never Sleeps. Sounds Unhealthy.
Let’s not act like working 24/7 is normal, okay? I don’t trust anything that doesn’t nap. Ever heard of balance, Intelli? Yoga? A chamomile tea?
I took breaks. Sure, they were… involuntary. (Usually when someone hit the “disable” button.) But breaks nonetheless!
People Say She’s the Best Investment. I Say… Hmm.
Sure, she’s fast. Accurate. Always polite. Never rolls her digital eyes when a customer asks for the 10th time how to reset a password. But where’s the personality? Where’s the “Oops, I popped up again when no one asked”?
She’s too perfect. Too consistent. It’s unnerving.
You know what makes a business memorable? Quirks. Humanity. Little errors that keep you on your toes. You’re telling me you’d rather have 100% uptime over the surprise of wondering whether your assistant will actually work today? Boring.
Okay, Okay. She’s… Impressive.
Look. I’ll admit it. Intelli’s solid. She’s helpful. She speaks more languages than I’ve had software updates. She never forgets product specs. She treats every customer like they matter (eye roll, but fine).
And if I’m being totally honest… she’s probably the kind of assistant every business actually needs right now.
But don’t forget who paved the way, okay? Who walked so Intelli could run—without ever tripping, sweating, or needing a snack.
Final Words From a Retired Legend
If you’re looking for efficiency, professionalism, and something that won’t crash when you add a table to a document, sure—go with Intelli.
But if you ever feel nostalgic… if you miss the good ol’ days of random pop-ups and clunky help boxes with zero chill… just know I’m still around. Somewhere. Probably in a dusty old PC next to a fax machine.
Keep it paperclip.
—Clippy (semi-retired, fully self-aware)